by Michael Sutherland
My last post was a bit of... a rant. It was necessary, mind you- but I was up on my soap box for a while! Although I did some good preaching up there, it was more of a "step on some toes" kind of post that, unfortunately, probably did not reach those parents that needed to read it most.
Today, I am reflecting on what I have learned about parenting from other great parents. I am a people watcher- and very observant- so I take a lot in from my experiences with others. I believe part of my purpose, my God-given gift- is to parent.. and although God has truly blessed me with some talent and understanding in this area- I have learned SO MUCH from many of you too!
First, I have to start with my own parents.. my mom's greatest "parent act" is that of her sacrifice. She has given up much for her children. Relationships, work, money, health and personal desires.. each of these things could have more successful, more profitable, and more rewarding but it would have cost the happiness or wellness of us, her children. I have learned what a priority your children must be. They are not a hobby or for display- they are an extension of you.. and sometimes, you have to give up what you want- so that they may have a better, more fulfilling life. Thanks mom.
My dad lives a couple states away from me- and we may not talk very often- but when we do, it's like we just pick up right where we left off last time. My dad has taught me to take interest in your children and their likes/dislikes... or even include them in your own. There are so many dads out there that seperate family, work, and pleasure. It shouldn't be this way.. you can enjoy yourself and have fun right there with your family. My dad was the first one to get out in the grass and wrestle with you, or take you fishing or kayaking.. he'd take us to play darts or to the gym (his sacred place!) to learn 'from the best'. Thanks dad for showing me that fun and family go together. (He's also taught me a lot about finances and budgeting..)
My other mom (step mom) has loved me from the get go. I didn't want to like her.. she was way different than my mom or my dad.. and she just jumped right in like she belonged there... you know what? She DID.. and she DOES belong there. :) She has taught me to love despite.. despite "blood" or "attitude" or distance or preferences.. she has loved my older sister and I from the start and I thank her for that. Many "step" parents don't grasp that concept.. and it's a shame. (I've been there too..)
Then there's my friend Barb.. she doesn't have perfect children.. why do I say that? Because when they are around, that's all you hear her say to them.. how great of children they are. How "handsome and beautiful and smart and talented... what a great soccer player and singer.. great with kids.. great mommy.. " These are all things I've heard her say about her children, very often. She loves on them and just speaks encouragement into their lives. This is something I've learned from her.. and I truly needed too.. growing up as a child, my step dad never spoke a single word of praise.. it doesn't come natural to me.. and to hear a mother talk about her children like they are the BEST children EVER.. a lesson worth learning. Thanks Barb.
As a teacher, I meet many families and a few of them you really relate with and maybe befriend.. well, there's a family whom I love..and they hold a really special place in my heart.. two kids that mean a lot to me, and two parents that are truly dear friends of mine.. they moved to Beaufort some time ago and I have missed them.. even more so now that I have visited them a couple times! My friend Monty (the dad & husband) does something A LOT of dads and husbands forget to do.. check in! He texts and calls his family throughout the day at work and when they are out of town.. like, a lot. He asks how their day is going and how the doctor appointment went.. he cares. This is a big thing- especially to the ladies! Thanks for teaching me that Monty. And Angie- (the mom/wife) has taught me determination. You see, she's in bad health (fybro myalgia and more..) and is often at home in pain (like my mom). This family has had to deal with a lot- finances and schooling and work problems... and nobody would hold it against them if they decided to "settle" for less in certain aspects of their lives...but Angie- she is determined for them to be happy and healthy as a family. The setbacks don't stop her from getting her family where they want to go. I love that about her and hope to apply that in my own life.
Stacy- my good friend and confidant.. is a lot like me.. a writer, and often very compassionate and reflective. What she embodies the most though, is understanding. Many times with her children, when I would have ignored the behavior or action, she is right there with a quick reaction and a lesson to be learned. She always wants to know how you're REALLY doing- and she cares.. she offers solutions; she talks and listens through it all; and she shares her own stories and experiences. She is very, very understanding when her children come to her with their problems or their stories or their complaints.. whatever it is.. she really CARES! Thanks Stacy for teaching me that it's okay to be 'a guy' and 'understanding' at the same time. :) (She is also a life-coach if you are interested..)
Mike and Cindy.. these are two of my mentors and friends that have helped me in countless ways throughout my college days.. they helped me financially (always having side work available!), economically? (I bought my car from them and lived with them too), but most of all.. they were always, always honest with me. Although they aren't parents of any human children- they have parented several boxers who are TRULY part of their family in every way! While I worked with and for them, lived with them, and went out to dinner with them.. we had many conversations about life and its many challenges and experiences. They never, ever sugar coated anything for me.. they would tell me when something I said or had done was stupid or when I had asked for what came to me. They would make "suggestions" (you better do this) as to how to make important decisions. They told me what I needed to hear, and not what I wanted.. and although it was sometimes harsh- I've appreciated every last bit of it. This world, particularly in parenthood, needs more people willing to 'tell it like it is' instead of playing politics or playing pretend. Thanks you two!
Shay and Brandon- parents of a former student of mine.. have taught me thoughtful parenting. Their children (particularly the one I had in my class) are very pleasant, well-rounded children. Their daughter, whom I taught, is an EXCELLENT student. She is very dedicated to everything she does and is just a stand-out kid! Her parents think of everything they can to benefit their children's lives. They try to make sure they have a consistent, early bed-time. They require healthy eating in their diets. They put their children in sports and other extra-curricular activities. So many times, they have shared with me how much they support their children and want to find any way to make their lives better. Thanks for this parenting tip!
There are many others I have learned from and continue to learn from (so don't feel left out!) but I can't go on all day! (Or you would just not read the whole post!) If you are a parent- I want to say THANKS for what you do. It's no stroll in the park... we mess it up sometimes and make mistakes.. but it's a tough job- and the most important one there is! Be encouraged. There are those out there, like me, that recognize the hard work you put into it. Don't judge your success by today (and especially not yesterday!), but rather invest in the future.. you are making the world a better place by being the great parent that you are!
Sincerely Yours,
Michael
